Vinnie Jones has shared his grief over the death of his wife Tanya last year and admitted he's "waiting until the day" they can be reunited.
The former footballer, 55, was left devastated after his partner of 25 years lost her battle with cancer in July 2019.
In an extract from his new book, Lost Without You, published by The Sun, Vinnie details the heartbreaking details of Tanya's death - confessing he held her as she died and "felt the pain leave her".
She had spent years battling cancer after beating cervical cancer twice before being diagnosed with skin cancer in 2013, which later spread to her brain.
He wrote: "I was holding her when she was taking her last breaths.
"I felt the pain leave her. It had been six years of pain, but now it was flying away, Tinker Bells of pain flying from her body. I felt Tanya leave."
Vinnie said Tanya was his "everything" and fought the illness with " such incredible grace".
He went on to explain he often feels lost in his grief and is living a "half-life" until he sees his wife again.
Vinnie added: "I sometimes tell people that I’m just waiting to be reunited with Tans. I suppose in some ways I’m just hanging around, half-living, until I get to see her again.
"Everyone tries to talk me out of it — 'You’re not old, Vin,' they say, 'You’re healthy, you have lots of time left.'
"But it’s how I feel some days. I’m just waiting, kicking my heels, passing the time, keeping busy, hitting f**king golf balls into a sea of sadness."
Vinnie and Tanya were together for 27 years and he shared a son and a stepdaughter with her.
She was just 53 when she died.
Vinnie previously told the Mirror that after the tragedy, he avoided hitting the bottle again after eight years sober.
He now tries to stay active, but still talks to Tanya every day.
The star also sees a therapist three times a week to help him cope.