Britney's Microwaved Hershey Kisses - And Other Summer Snacks
Plus, obviously, a Johnny Depp Rant.
In the winter, I love making complicated dishes and using several heating elements per meal. But when the summer arrives, I want to make and consume small bites. A charcuterie spread thrown together quickly after a trip to the lake or a long walk is ideal. I don’t want to find the time or patience to make Hasselback potatoes.
So, I am always interested in learning about new snacks. Could I ask my friends about what snacks satisfy them? Should I be so bold to ask strangers on the street or at the grocery store? Maybe! But I wind up learning of many snacks via the ol’ world wide web and those I’m privy to by it. I assume if I were wealthy, I would have a personal chef assemble me new and imaginative fine foods all day, each day. But as People magazine has told us many times, stars are just like us and many of their favorite snacks, quite accessible. I tried out a few that made me personally go “wtf” to determine if they should be added to the Snack Summer roster or not.
Britney Spears’ Hershey Kiss Microwave Plate Pile
On February 12th, 2022, Britney Spears posted a video to Instagram featuring a plate full of melted Hershey Kisses. “See the Hershey Kiss?” she asks as she swipes her finger onto the plate, collecting chocolate. For a moment, the camera moves and catches the edge of what appears to be a bathroom sink. Britney makes a noise of appreciation and the video loops to play again. I unfollowed Britney on Instagram because it’s hard to see her so publicly struggling to come to terms with her new life. After spending over a decade under excessive control by her family and team, it is no wonder this display is hard to watch at times. Of course I want the best for her! But I bookmarked this Hershey Kiss video, watched it MANY times, and ultimately bought a bag of them to recreate this “”snack.””
I wondered why Britney didn’t just buy chocolate chips to melt as I unwrapped eight Hershey Kisses and placed them on a microwave-safe plate. After 15 seconds in there, then 10 more, then a squish to see if they were done, then 8 more seconds, they were done. I considered eating them in the bathroom for authenticity but decided against it. I would consider myself flexible, but eating in the bathroom repulses me to my core.
Because microwaves heat things inconsistently, by the time I was consuming the melted Kisses, they held a variety of consistencies. Some were very melted, some were still slightly solid. I do think this made eating them more fun. I still longed for a pretzel or something to dip in the chocolate. I wish licking it off my finger was more fun. I mostly felt grateful to be alone. Once I had enjoyed a couple of tablespoons of melted-ish chocolate, I set the plate aside. Afterwards, the chocolate re-solidified and I indulgently chipped at it with a spoon. I would maybe recommend that part.
Salted Toast
I will admit I wasn’t sure I wanted to add this to this list. When I heard that a piece of bread with salt on it was Victoria Beckham AKA Posh Spice’s favorite MEAL, I was disturbed. I do think people should eat what they want, but the implication of this statement troubles me. With that being said, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
I have about nine thousand kitchen gadgets, but we do not have a toaster. So it was a labor of love the day I made three individual pieces of toast via a cast iron skillet on the stovetop. I served this as part of a family meal. I shook the salt generously atop each slice. As one may have anticipated, it’s quite difficult to get the salt to stay on top of the toast. But I assume it’s part of the experience.
“I don’t get it,” my fellow taste tester proclaimed after one bite. My young son (1.5 years of age at this point) didn’t offer much feedback, but he did eat the majority of the slice. For a moment, I thought I understood the appeal. I was enjoying my slice. Then I realized it’s the bread. Warm bread is just good. Peace and love to Victoria Beckham but I hope she learns to be so bold to add butter to toast. And let thinness as a cultural emphasis be damned.
Raven Simone’s Chaffle
Remember Raven Symone? Of That’s So Raven? I think I probably watched six episodes of that show, but I think about it frequently. What if the future is predetermined but if you knew about it and tried to adjust accordingly, it would shift??? I know the show was mostly comedic, but it had me reeling even at a young age. These days, Raven lives in California with her spouse and they have a Youtube channel often featuring the two of them just literally cooking in their kitchen. They might be using a ring light, but maybe not. With over-curated videos plentiful and easy to find, I didn’t realize this was a novelty I would value as much as I do.
One cooking video features Raven assembling a “chaffle sandwich.” With a name that sounds straight from Urban Dictionary, I was surprised the concept is quite straight forward. It is a waffle made predominantly from cheese. Eggs, apple cider vinegar, nutritional yeast, xanthan gum, coconut flour, and cheddar and mozzarella cheeses combine to make the chaffle. I feel accomplished hurrying along to Raven’s instructions (there are none written), but immediately hate the smell of all the ingredients together. This is compounded when the mixture is placed into my mini waffle maker and the immediate smell is burnt cheese. I’m confident I will hate these by the time they are crispy enough to extract from the waffle maker. But they are a savory gift once I take a bite. Raven uses the chaffles as “bread” for a sandwich including lobster, bacon, arugula, and a jalapeno mayo. Because I have none of those things, I top it with regular mayo, turkey, spinach, and a thinly sliced pickle. It is perfection. And I’m surprised I will be making a chaffle again, despite its unforgiveable name. There is hope for the Snack Summer after all.
This week’s hit -
Firework Oreos Are Back on Shelves That’s the Full Hit
This week’s miss -
Johnny Depp Doing a Jack Sparrow Impression Outside the Courthouse – I am begging men of Hollywood to age gracefully. Can they not, with all the money they’ve been awarded through the years, float out of the spotlight? Are they truly owed fifty years of high paying jobs without pause or obstacles (something literally never provided to women in Hollywood)?? I challenge anyone to read about Johnny Depp’s conduct as an employee/in the world during his many struggles with addiction and unreliability and tell me this man deserves 46 Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
I really don’t care how much Amber Heard lied, how far she is from the “perfect victim” everyone wants her to be, or how much we all hate her face. She did NOT name Johnny Depp in a feature speaking about her experience as a victim of abuse. She also did not take his career from stunning A list to smeared beyond repair. Yet she’ll pay for both.
I never viewed the Depp v Heard case as mere entertainment because I know enough the implications of a pro-Johnny verdict. Now that the trial is over, there will be repercussions for more than just Amber Heard. Johnny Depp has effectively paved the way for other men, who feel slighted by even legitimate claims of abuse, to use the hand of the law to punish their accusers. And he’s effectively assured that even less victims of abuse will step forward, finding those abusers even more free to do as they wish. Every claim of abuse against a celebrity has always been open for questioning by every dweeb with computer access. And now those victims must also fear lawsuits. I wish this was an isolated incident, but this has created a dark precedent.