One Star Barbie Reviews And A Crazy Death at Death Valley

 August 6, 2023

   It's Sunday out here on the scorching Sonoran Desert, where and when I compile all the first class Zane, so you don't have to.

    Here, so far, are my favorite one-star reviews of Barbie:

• “The feminist agenda will kill us all!”

• “They won’t stop until we are all gay!”

• “The movie feels like a pink acid trip where you are constantly being slapped by confusingly attractive people."

Generalisimo Edmundo Mell

   Photo taken in Nick Gaetano’s studio in New York City in 1965. Ed tells me Nick had all these props and uniform and flag and he thought it would be fun to take this Polaroid shot. Ed looks so much like his son Carson in this photo. At first I thought it was him.

Quick Wisdom And Stupid Brilliance

   Did you know the droll comedian Steven Wright has written a book? The title is "Harold" and it was reviewed in this morning's New York Times. Best lines from the book, quoted in the review: "animals are into bestiality," and a "rowboat is the only form of transportation where you are not facing the direction you're going, if of course you're rowing the boat." Even the reviewer's ID is zany: "Michael Ian Black is a comedian and writer who is currently living in Rome for some reason."

   Best quote from a legendary writer about living in the heat of Arizona, as quoted by E.J. Montini in today's column:

   "In Arizona, the trees have thorns and the bushes spines and the swimming pools are infested with loan sharks, automobile dealers and Mafiosi. The water table is falling, and during a heavy wind, you can see sand dunes form on Central Avenue in Phoenix. We have the most gorgeous sunsets in the Western world—when the copper smelters are shut down. I am describing the place I love. Arizona is my natural native home. Nobody in his right mind would want to live here."

—Ed Abbey

   Speaking of being out of one's mind:

Out Where The Socks Match The Rocks

BBB at Zabriski Point

   Two tourists have died at Death Valley in the past week because of the heat. One of them, Steve Curry, 71, was from Los Angeles and he died on July 18 when temperatures in the park reached 121 degrees. "An experienced hiker," Curry was last seen resting at the overlook at Zabriski Point in the shadow of a metal sign, the only sliver of shade he could find. The metal sign Curry was found under can be seen from the view point of where I am standing in the photo above. "Why do I do it?" Curry responded to a Los Angeles Times reporter's question just hours before his body was found. "Why not?"

Tombstone Travesty?

   "10,000 people in Tombstone? They must be starved for entertainment. There’s not enough parking, or restaurants, or public rest rooms for that sort of crowd. As I’ve said many times before, every day is Halloween in Tombstone. Perhaps Tombstone will be a destination venue for more than cosplaying the couple of years when the Faro dealing Earp boys blessed the scene there. If a couple of best selling books hadn’t been written about Wyatt back in the day he and other shootists would only be remembered for giving U. S. Senators an excuse to NOT consider Arizona Territory for statehood until 1912. I know you remember that from 8th grade mandatory AZ Arizona government and history. Actually I’m glad someone made money off of Wyatt he wasn’t too good at it himself."

—Greg Scott

Daily Whip Out:

"Flint Guards The Fronteras Jail"

"Study the past if you want to know what the idiots are going to do in the future."

—Old Vaquero Saying